Oh, So Sad About The Girl

The first time that I saw her, I can clearly still re-call.
I was sailing on a cruise set sail for paradise.
I remember thinking ‘who’s that girl, so elegant and tall?’
And longed to get my hands upon her merchandise.

The second time I saw her was at cocktail time that night.
I was sipping a martini laced with gin.
She was taking giant mouthfuls from a strawberry cream delight,
And had strawberry syrup dripping down her chin.

From then I saw her many times whilst on our journey south.
And every time I had to watch food entering her mouth.

Oh so sad about the girl! so sad, very sad about the girl!

Each meal time in the dining room, I knew she would be there.
I hear she went to every single sitting.
As days went by she seemed to grow more portly in her chair.
Her clothes seemed somewhat tighter, almost splitting.

On deck you’d never see her without something in her hand.
A chocolate bar, or fizzy drink or ice.
At tea time if she got there first, the thing couldn’t stand,
Was finding she’d had every custard slice!

I saw her sitting at the bar, a stool her only prop.
She had a large hangover, and she hadn’t touched a drop!

Oh so sad about the girl! so sad, very sad about the girl!

Then came the fatal day when we pulled into our first port.
In single file we walked the path to shore.
As soon as she stepped on the bridge, there was a violent crack,
And she disappeared beneath the wooden floor.

There was a splash of water as our heroine fell in.
She didn’t sink, she just began to float.
She lay there blowing water from her mouth in good long spurts.
Looking like a whale in an ermine coat.

She’s not been found, although they’ve searched the seas from Greece to Thailand.
There is a rumour that she’s set herself up as an island!

I’m so sad about the girl.
I may be foolish, but I’m sad about the girl.
So if by chance you’re mountaineering, please allow me to suggest,
You check in case you’ve pitched your tent upon her chest!

So now you know my tragic tale, from which I must conclude,
I would have stood a better chance, had I been food!
I’m so sad about the girl. so sad, so very sad about the girl!

Words and music – © Richard Kates 1999